Five Steps to get over a messy divorce

Celebrity. It’s a glamorous life with beautiful clothes, cars and homes, but when it comes to divorce, being a celebrity does not anesthetize you from the pain. Just ask Khloe Kardashian who has stated that her divorce from Lamar Odom has been difficult. She’s also asked the media to stop spreading rumors that she is dating Matt Kemp.

“This, in and of itself, is heart breaking and torture to my soul,” she wrote. “Please, I don’t need the extra rumors and BS right now.” Kardashian.

But whether you are a celebrity or not, if you have been through a divorce there are certain steps you should take to move on with your life in a healthy and constructive way. In fact, according to Mark Banschick, MD, there are five important steps to make a healthy recovery after divorce.

Steps to heal from your divorce

1. Mourn the loss of the relationship

Divorce has been equated with death, but unlike death, there’s no funeral, no friends, no sympathy cards. This loss of ceremony may make some divorced couples hesitant to truly mourn the loss of the relationship. Whether you feel hurt, anger, pity, remorse, guilt, shame or depression, it’s important to experience these feeling and allow yourself to really feel them as part of the healing process.

2. Admit that you cannot control everything or everyone

Mark Banschick, MD, encouraged couples to admit they cannot control everything. Some things just happen and all you can do is choose how you react. Does this make you a victim? No, but understand sometimes bad things happen to good people. What can you do? Admit the part you may have played in the break-up, work to make yourself better and move forward. Therapy may also be beneficial to identify your responsibilities, if any, for the deterioration of your marriage.

3. Believe things will get better

If you have been injured or your trust in humanity has been destroyed, it will take time to heal. Trust is often a casualty in divorce, but the truth is time can heal and you will not feel this way forever. Find ways to move forward after the divorce and create the life you need to be happy.

4. Forgive yourself and your spouse

Forgiving someone for what they have done to you is therapy for your soul. It’s less about your ex-spouse and more about your own healing. Let it go, forgive and move on and you will be surprised what blessings are free to enter into your life.

5. Accept your past and do not let it define you

If your divorce is complete and you have forgiven yourself and your spouse, it’s time to accept your current situation and move forward. Don’t be a victim. Outrage, fear, a sense of abandonment, these feeling are normal, but do not let them define you forever.

Remember, grieving is like a wound that needs to heal. It will take time. It will be painful. But after the grieving ends you can move forward with acceptance and forgiveness and find true freedom. But taking the right steps is the key.