Is Divorce Mediation Right for this Couple?

Is Divorce Mediation Right for this Couple?

Going through a divorce and finding many points of contention? Are there some details that just can’t seem to be agreed upon? Do you find it difficult to have a conversation with your spouse – much less a civil one when discussing the end of your marriage? If so, maybe you need a referee. Or a divorce mediator.

Divorce mediation is a tool appropriate for most people who are divorcing or have family disagreements resulting from a divorce. Most marriages are at the point of divorce because of those conflicts and communication issues that have brought them to the brink. Sometimes it’s helpful to bring in an impartial third party -the divorce mediator – to help settle those differences.  The divorce mediators are skilled in helping the couple negotiate amicably, despite these types of issues. The couple must be committed  to the divorce mediation process and be willing to put aside personal differences for the sake of smoothing the process.

In divorce mediation, a couple works with a neutral third party divorce mediator, or sometimes, a team of two neutral third party divorce mediators, to help them make the difficult and unpleasant decisions that go along in a divorce. The couple meets with the divorce mediator over a period of weeks, or months if needed, to gather facts, discuss goals, brainstorm options and choose solutions.
While the divorce mediator guides this process, the divorcing couple makes the final decision.

A divorce mediator will step in to offer possible solutions to the couple’s issues if the parties can’t find the answers on their own. Some divorce mediators, especially those with legal backgrounds, or attorney mediators, will lend insight about how it may go in divorce court, but the couple is generally free reject the divorce mediator’s suggestion. One exception is when the solution the couple chooses, in the opinion of the divorce mediator, is so far from normal legal divorce statues that the divorce mediator believes a judge will not accept the proposed agreement. It would then be a disservice to the clients on the divorce mediators part to allow them to go to court with an agreement that they cannot adequately justify to a judge. This would be a waste of the divorce mediator’s client’s time, and money.

So, is divorce mediation right for you? If you can answer “yes” to questions like these, you are a very good candidate.

  1. Are you concerned about the long-term well being of your children, and do you desire to be equal participants in raising them?
  2. Do you believe your money is better spent on the family and the kids than teams of lawyers in a divorce court?
  3. Are you able to honestly consider the implications of your decisions where your spouse is concerned? Do you want it to end well with the possibility of peaceful post-divorce coexistence?
  4. Do you want to get through the divorce as painlessly as possible and move on with your life?
  5. Are you less concerned about “seeking revenge” against your spouse than trying to prepare for a life as a divorced person?

Divorce does not have to be a knock down, drag out, winner take all affair. With the help of divorce mediation, it can actually be the start of new lives – separated but not disconnected.


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