Why Are We Wrong for Divorce Mediation?

Although divorce mediation can save court time and money and help couples settle differences and plan for life after their divorce, it’s no magic bullet, and it’s not for everyone.

According to some studies, divorce mediation yields success in between 50 and 80 percent of cases, and couples save 30 to 40 percent of what it would cost for a traditional divorce, where everything is settled in court. The road to divorce is steep and difficult, so why wouldn’t you want to ease the pain and stress and get it over with as quickly as possible? For some cases, it just won’t work. Let’s examine why, and you can ask yourself which side of the fence you fall on.

Four reasons divorce mediation fails could be summed up by these “Bs”: Baggage, bravado, buttons and bravery.

1. Baggage

Successful divorce mediations are made by couples that are truly focused on their goals for the future. In a divorce, this is not easy, what with hurt feelings, loss of trust, love, respect, a desire for revenge for past wrongs, and most ofter, lingering anger. Divorce mediation can only be successful if both parties are able to put aside “irreconcilable” differences and are able to set their sights ahead (without lingering on the past and harboring old hurt). Basically, the more time concentrated on “getting even,” the longer it will take to get ahead. For some couples there is simply too much animosity to overcome.

2. Bravado

It is said pride always comes before a fall. A monumental mistake in divorce mediation is entering the process with your mind focused solely on what YOU want to gain. You must really soul-search and think deeply and honestly about what your ex would want and what’s important to them to build a life after divorce.