Friends left me after my divorce
If you are facing divorce you might be surprised by how your family and friends react. Some people choose to avoid both spouses, assuming it’s easier not to take sides, while other friends and family members may try to maintain relationships with both spouses.
If you have lost friends or valuable relationships this can be a deep sadness in addition to the pain of losing the marital relationship. Some individuals feel they may no longer be welcome at certain events or feel uncomfortable in certain social situations.
But it’s important to remember you are not divorcing your family, in-laws or friends. You have been given a chance to redefine who you are and how you want to live the next phase of your life. So examine each relationship which is important to you and decide if you want to maintain the relationship. Some relationships will naturally end, while others may simply require a period of adjustment.
Preparing yourself for the loss of friends after divorce
Experts suggest that following a divorce it’s natural to feel a loss if friends and family abandon you, but there are some steps you can take to better prepare yourself for the emotional loss.
1. Find professional help
It has been said that a divorce can be as traumatic and painful as a death. The good news is you don’t have to grieve the loss alone. Find a professional counselor who can help you through the transition.
2. Build new relationships
Knowing there will be losses is important, but it is also important to find new friends. This might be the right time to find individuals who can provide fulfilling relationships.
3. Decide who you want to be
Many spouses feel constrained or limited in their marital relationship, especially if the marriage was unhealthy. Now is the time to analyze who you were and who you want to be. Are there hobbies and interest you have neglected but would like to begin again? Are there places you would love to travel? Maybe start volunteering? Now is the time.
4. No negativity
It’s easy to bad mouth your spouse to your children or blame the failed relationship on someone else, but negativity is a sure way to drive people away. Working through some of your most intimate issues can be done best in a professional setting.
5. Consider the children
If you have children no doubt they are one of your top priorities. It’s important to maintain relationships which have been positive for them. Keep connections with extended family and friends if they provide a loving relationship for the children.
It is a cliché to suggest time heals but the truth is, it does. If you are only a few weeks or months out from a relationship there may still be tension between all parties, including close friends and family. Don’t make your friends and family feel like they have to choose between you and your ex-spouse. Accept the loss and feel the pain, then decide who should be a part of your new life.